i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
