I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
