I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
