so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
