I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
