Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
