Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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