He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
