He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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