This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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