you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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