Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
