she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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