So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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