And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
