Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
4 words: hood of his car
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
