You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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