So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
