I'm going to jail i love you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
