i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
