how can u be prego again
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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