forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
