I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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