Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
