she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
only you would photoshop your dick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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