i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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