I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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