Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
