Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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