you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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