this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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