There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
