and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm both gender and math confused
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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