In the future we'll all be gay
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
