wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
