Please, let me fuck your mom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
