your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
