david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
