I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
