I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
