You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
