Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
