Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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