just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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