Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
