I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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