you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Actions speak louder than pants.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
