i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
