i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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