Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
